Friday, August 6, 2010

That night... That whole week...

I can't even describe the sharp pain that stabbed me that night.
I picked up the phone and smiled when i saw it was you calling...
But your tone told me something was wrong, so i asked.
I wish i hadn't..
And when you told me what you were feeling, i dropped the colored pencil from my hand.
I held my breath the whole conversation, as i tried my best to make you laugh with some jokes.
You expressed what you felt, and so did I...
And when the decision was decided, i didn't feel much at first.
I said i loved you.. and that i always would... And so did you... and i said goodbye... and so did you...
And when i hung that phone up i starred at your drawings next me my mirror.
And as i slowly removed the tacks that held them up, i realized what had just happened.
I found a shoe box and carefully folded all the pictures and notes up and placed them in the bottom... I put the roses you gave me on top.. and then placed the bracelets you gave me beside them... And as i closed that box i felt my heart melt into it...
I sat on the ground and just looked at the wall... feeling just like what it looked like... Empty.
I grabbed your shirt you gave me and clutched it in my hand... I just let the hot tears run down my face... Everything around me suffocated me... I felt as if i was dead... numb.. i couldn't see through my tears and i couldn't feel due to the fact my heart had stopped working. And when i woke up the next morning... I knew i was dead.. But i still had to go to school...
The whole week i was empty... I lost my heart that night..
I lost who i was and all my dreams through that one conversation...
I don't know how i did it... But I somehow was able to stand up...
Each day was so long i felt as if i would die before the end..
I have pushed this night into the back of my head for so long... But i have to accept it...
I lost him... and I lost myself... I lost all our promises... But i will accept it. I first have
to let myself feel the pain. And this is why i'm writing this. To let myself feel it and get over it.
I have accepted it... And i'm able to move on. But i have to get over it... fully...

1 comment:

  1. Dustin - "Can I eat them?"
    Me - Yes, lets kill the boy!
    Dustin - Kill the boy, yes master yes master, he-he-he-heeeee.

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