Saturday, August 28, 2010

I won't care

I won't let myself care about this.
I won't allow myself to be betrayed by this.
I won't have my mind linger on this.
I won't care about this!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


I've got to get out!
Before i loose my mind!
Before i loose myself!
I've got to get out!
Before i finally do it!
Before i finally die!
I've got to get out!
Before i actually try to!
Before i actually loose you!

on a falling star

whats the point in wishing?
nothing ever comes out of it.
no one has gotten their wish on a falling star.
no one has gotten their wish from a wishing well
all you get is disappointment

Is it over yet?

I hold it in my shaking hand
And my brain over-loads
I don't know what to do anymore
Should i just get it over with?
I wonder what You would think?
But as it falls from my trembling fingers
I just curl into a ball and look into Your eyes
I call out Your name and cry for Your forgivness
I feel that warm sting of familiarity
And then I'm back where I started
I pick it back up and stare at my reflection in it
"is that really me? When did i become like this?"

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Push and Pull

push me under and drown me
then pull me back up and choke me
push me behind you cause i'm not important
then pull me infront to take the beating for you
push me out into the unknown
then pull me back into the familiar
push me over the edge
then pull me back into insanity
push me away from you
then pull me back to your embrace

What a waste

put that gun to your teeth and give a big smile
cause everyone is watching you
they are all expecting great things from you
but you will never amount to what they want
put your finger on that trigger and hold your breath
cause everyone is breathing for you
they are all sufficating you
but you dont have to worry about oxygen anymore
put that bullet into your mouth
cause everyone is begging you to
they are all shoving it down your throat
but you dont have to let it go down

Friday, August 6, 2010

That night... That whole week...

I can't even describe the sharp pain that stabbed me that night.
I picked up the phone and smiled when i saw it was you calling...
But your tone told me something was wrong, so i asked.
I wish i hadn't..
And when you told me what you were feeling, i dropped the colored pencil from my hand.
I held my breath the whole conversation, as i tried my best to make you laugh with some jokes.
You expressed what you felt, and so did I...
And when the decision was decided, i didn't feel much at first.
I said i loved you.. and that i always would... And so did you... and i said goodbye... and so did you...
And when i hung that phone up i starred at your drawings next me my mirror.
And as i slowly removed the tacks that held them up, i realized what had just happened.
I found a shoe box and carefully folded all the pictures and notes up and placed them in the bottom... I put the roses you gave me on top.. and then placed the bracelets you gave me beside them... And as i closed that box i felt my heart melt into it...
I sat on the ground and just looked at the wall... feeling just like what it looked like... Empty.
I grabbed your shirt you gave me and clutched it in my hand... I just let the hot tears run down my face... Everything around me suffocated me... I felt as if i was dead... numb.. i couldn't see through my tears and i couldn't feel due to the fact my heart had stopped working. And when i woke up the next morning... I knew i was dead.. But i still had to go to school...
The whole week i was empty... I lost my heart that night..
I lost who i was and all my dreams through that one conversation...
I don't know how i did it... But I somehow was able to stand up...
Each day was so long i felt as if i would die before the end..
I have pushed this night into the back of my head for so long... But i have to accept it...
I lost him... and I lost myself... I lost all our promises... But i will accept it. I first have
to let myself feel the pain. And this is why i'm writing this. To let myself feel it and get over it.
I have accepted it... And i'm able to move on. But i have to get over it... fully...

Your so full of ....

You let the others do these things.
You let everyone else get away with things.
But now that I'm the only one left you decide to pull the leash tighter than i can stand
I'm sick of you control

You coward

Your such a little coward!
Running away like that, then crawling back with you tail between your legs
If you really meant what you said you would have never ran away in the first place!
If you had really cared you would have never done this to me in the first place!
I hate your toxic guts!
I hate your rancid eyes!
I hate your maniacal laugh!
I hate your sinister embrace!
I really did care about you but you honey.
I really did want you to be mine sweetie.
I really did love you baby.
Now i couldn't care less about you
Have a nice time stabbing others in the back
Because I will never let you do that to me again!


I'm tired of you lies
Of hearing all the crap that pours out of your mouth
I hate it when you talk
I love when you shut up!
Those damn lies should just stick in your throat
Choke you just like they do me!
I wish they would burn you as bad as they burn my skin
And i can't wait for the day they turn around and stab you in the back!
I can't wait!
I will sit and watch as all you have lied about comes back and slaps you
Liar liar pants on fire... When will your whole body ignite!?