Trapped

I want to get out

I've been stuck here for so many years

Things get harder and harder to do

I find myself gasping for breath at times

And other times overwhlemed by the air around me

I need to get out

I've been down here for so long i can't seem to remember what it was like

To be free

To not have this weight on me

Pushing me farther and farther down

Till my body breaks

Please

Can anyone help me out

I'm so lost down here alone

I'm so broken

I'm so trapped

I've been thinking

About you
How much i hate you
How much i want your attention
How much i can't stand to be around you anymore
How much i want to be accepted by you
How much you owe me

Sweet Love

I love it when you play with my hair when i'm sitting next to you

I love when you run up behind me and wrap those arms around me

I love it when i catch you staring and smiling at me

I love when you send me a random text that makes me smile

I love it when you kiss my hand

I love... you... Period

Burned

I finally got free of you

Took all the memories of you and burned them

Burned all the things holding me back

And as i walked home from the spot i burned them

I felt absolute freedom

I felt the chains you had me in crumble

You don't control me anymore

You can't haunt me anymore

I am finally free of you

I won't care

I won't let myself care about this.

I won't allow myself to be betrayed by this.

I won't have my mind linger on this.

I won't care about this!

I WON'T!!

GET OUT!

I've got to get out!

Before i loose my mind!

Before i loose myself!
I've got to get out!

Before i finally do it!

Before i finally die!

I've got to get out!
Before i actually try to!

Before i actually loose you!

on a falling star

whats the point in wishing?

nothing ever comes out of it.

no one has gotten their wish on a falling star.

no one has gotten their wish from a wishing well

WHATS THE POINT?!?

all you get is disappointment

Is it over yet?

I hold it in my shaking hand

And my brain over-loads

I don't know what to do anymore

Should i just get it over with?

I wonder what You would think?

But as it falls from my trembling fingers

I just curl into a ball and look into Your eyes

I call out Your name and cry for Your forgivness

I feel that warm sting of familiarity

And then I'm back where I started

I pick it back up and stare at my reflection in it

"is that really me? When did i become like this?"

Push and Pull

push me under and drown me

then pull me back up and choke me

push me behind you cause i'm not important

then pull me infront to take the beating for you

push me out into the unknown

then pull me back into the familiar

push me over the edge

then pull me back into insanity

push me away from you

then pull me back to your embrace

What a waste

put that gun to your teeth and give a big smile

cause everyone is watching you

they are all expecting great things from you

but you will never amount to what they want

put your finger on that trigger and hold your breath

cause everyone is breathing for you

they are all sufficating you

but you dont have to worry about oxygen anymore

put that bullet into your mouth

cause everyone is begging you to

they are all shoving it down your throat

but you dont have to let it go down

That night... That whole week...

I can't even describe the sharp pain that stabbed me that night.

I picked up the phone and smiled when i saw it was you calling...

But your tone told me something was wrong, so i asked.

I wish i hadn't..

And when you told me what you were feeling, i dropped the colored pencil from my hand.

I held my breath the whole conversation, as i tried my best to make you laugh with some jokes.

You expressed what you felt, and so did I...

And when the decision was decided, i didn't feel much at first.

I said i loved you.. and that i always would... And so did you... and i said goodbye... and so did you...

And when i hung that phone up i starred at your drawings next me my mirror.

And as i slowly removed the tacks that held them up, i realized what had just happened.

I found a shoe box and carefully folded all the pictures and notes up and placed them in the bottom... I put the roses you gave me on top.. and then placed the bracelets you gave me beside them... And as i closed that box i felt my heart melt into it...

I sat on the ground and just looked at the wall... feeling just like what it looked like... Empty.

I grabbed your shirt you gave me and clutched it in my hand... I just let the hot tears run down my face... Everything around me suffocated me... I felt as if i was dead... numb.. i couldn't see through my tears and i couldn't feel due to the fact my heart had stopped working. And when i woke up the next morning... I knew i was dead.. But i still had to go to school...

The whole week i was empty... I lost my heart that night..

I lost who i was and all my dreams through that one conversation...

I don't know how i did it... But I somehow was able to stand up...

Each day was so long i felt as if i would die before the end..

I have pushed this night into the back of my head for so long... But i have to accept it...

I lost him... and I lost myself... I lost all our promises... But i will accept it. I first have

to let myself feel the pain. And this is why i'm writing this. To let myself feel it and get over it.

I have accepted it... And i'm able to move on. But i have to get over it... fully...

Your so full of ....

You let the others do these things.

You let everyone else get away with things.

But now that I'm the only one left you decide to pull the leash tighter than i can stand

I'm sick of you control

You coward

Your such a little coward!

Running away like that, then crawling back with you tail between your legs

WHAT MADE YOU THINK I WOULD FALL FOR YOU CRAP?

If you really meant what you said you would have never ran away in the first place!

If you had really cared you would have never done this to me in the first place!

I hate your toxic guts!

I hate your rancid eyes!

I hate your maniacal laugh!

I hate your sinister embrace!

I HATE YOU IN GENERAL!
I really did care about you but you honey.

I really did want you to be mine sweetie.

I really did love you baby.

Now i couldn't care less about you

Have a nice time stabbing others in the back

Because I will never let you do that to me again!

LIAR LIAR

I'm tired of you lies

Of hearing all the crap that pours out of your mouth

I hate it when you talk

I love when you shut up!

Those damn lies should just stick in your throat

Choke you just like they do me!

I wish they would burn you as bad as they burn my skin

And i can't wait for the day they turn around and stab you in the back!
I can't wait!

I will sit and watch as all you have lied about comes back and slaps you

Liar liar pants on fire... When will your whole body ignite!?

It's funny

When you think about it its pretty funny...
How the father that was supposed to love and protect is the one that hurt you the most.
How your role model turns out to be the person you don't want to know anymore.
How the best dream you have haunts you forever.
How you can't wait to grow up, but once you're up, you want to be little again.
How forever never seems to last.
How plans made always seem to be canceled.
How the words "i love you" seems to be more of an insult.
How the heart is supposed to be the strongest muscle in your body, when it is actually the weakest.
But when did life become a comedy routine?!?

I'm DONE with you

I'm tired of clinging to your memories.
I'm tired of beating myself up over you.
I'm tired of remembering how i lost you.
I'm tired of you.
I'm sick of thinking aboout your smile.
I'm sick of dreaming about seeing you again.
I'm sick of remembering your face.
I'm sick of you.
I'm pissed that you left without a word.
I'm pissed you chose her over me.
I'm pissed you never noticed me.
I'm pissed at you.
I'm sorry i wasn't the girl you wanted.
I'm sorry i wasn't perfect.
I'm sorry i never told you.
I'm sorry... But I'm done with you.

In Your Arms

I have totally lost myself in this world,
I've stumbled and fallen,
I've stood back up just to fall back on my face,
I'm burned and I'm broken.
I'm totally worthless in this world,
I've used everything i have up,
I've been pushed to my limits and beyond,
I'm silenced and mute.
But here in your arms, I'm not worthless,
I may fall,
But you're always there to pick me up and carry me away,
You try your best to find all my pieces.
You help me re-build everything i have lost,
Here,
In your arms,
I'm worth something,
I'm special.

I lost you...

You were the one to leave me! Not the other way around.
YOU were my role-model.
I looked up to you.
I tried everything to please you and be with you.
You were my one friend.
My one play-mate.
I kept all your selfish secrets!
I did everything you asked!
I never judged you and what did I get from all my hard work?
Someone who hates me?
Dropped me the second they grew older and began to experiment.
You stopped caring that you were me role-model.
I wanted to dress like you, to be seen with you, to play games with you.
I wanted support like the kind you were given everyday.
I wanted the attention that you hogged your whole life!
I NEEDED you!
You stopped caring that your little sister had to suffer by herself.
You were my EVERYTHING!
I was so close to you.
But i lost you.
I don't know how or when... but i did.
You can say all the usual crap to mask it and make it seem like I'm just being a drama queen.
But you can't lie to me anymore.
I just want you to love me.
I accepted the fact of things change when you grow up...
But i don't accept the fact that you left me alone...
I lost you.... I would do anything to get you back...

The good ol' days

I have given my everything, just to feel a piece of what i used to have.
I have tried my hardest, just to please the people i love.
I have resisted, so that i won't create more scars.
I have remembered, that way I'll never forget.
I have bled, just so I could breath.
I have pushed myself up, just to be pulled down.
Oh how i miss the good ol'days.
The days that i didn't have to give everything.
I didn't have to try very hard.
I didn't have to resist.
I had nothing to remember.
I didn't have to bleed.
I was never pushed and pulled.
Those were the days.
Those are the days that i wish never happened.
That way i wouldn't have to miss them.

Pure emptiness

In the clouds, everything seemed to fade out.
The ties that held me down seemed to break.
I was finally free from what kills me.
I could feel my lungs fill with air.
I could hear my heart sigh something that sounded like relief.
My head didn't bounce around in my skull.
My body was not weak feeling.
So why did i suddenly feel empty?
Shouldn't i be enjoying my freedom?
And even though I am, why does my emptiness resemble something else?
Is it that I miss someone special?
Or that i feel totally abandoned?
ha.. well it wouldn't be the first time i felt abandoned...